A new Army recruit was on the rifle range.

A new recruit fired fifty rounds at the target—and missed every single shot.

The Drill Instructor stormed over, nose to nose.
“What’s the matter with you? Why can’t you hit the target? What did you do before this?”

“I was a cable TV repairman,” the recruit replied. “I don’t know why I can’t hit it. Let me check…”

He inspected the rifle once, twice, three times. Then, to test it, he placed his finger in front of the muzzle, pulled the trigger—and promptly blew the tip of his finger off.

Writhing in pain, he groaned, “Well, the bullets are definitely coming out of this end. The problem must be on the other end!”

The Exciting Homework Assignment

A kindergarten teacher asked her class to bring something exciting to share.

The first boy walked up, drew a tiny white dot on the chalkboard, and sat down.

Puzzled, the teacher asked, “What’s that?”
“It’s a period,” he said.

“Yes, but what’s exciting about a period?” she pressed.

The boy shrugged. “I don’t know. But this morning my sister was missing one, my mom fainted, my dad had a heart attack, and the boy next door joined the Navy!”

The Man in Pain

A man went to the doctor and said, “Doc, everywhere I touch hurts.”

“What do you mean?” asked the doctor.

The man poked his shoulder. “Ouch!”
He pressed his knee. “Ouch!”
He tapped his forehead. “Ouch, ouch!”

The doctor shook his head. “I know exactly what’s wrong—you’ve broken your finger.”

The Old Woman and the Shop

An elderly woman went to buy dog food. The cashier said, “Sorry, you’ll need to prove you own a dog.” So she brought her dog in—and got the food.

The next day, she tried to buy cat food. Again, the cashier demanded proof. She returned with her cat—and got the food.

On the third day, she came in carrying a box. “Put your finger inside,” she told the cashier.

The cashier did. “It feels warm and soft,” she said.

“Good,” replied the old woman. “Now that you’re satisfied, may I have some toilet paper?”